Until recently I was "friends" via Facebook with three of my exes. The first one, we'll just call "#1" is still there. Given the fact that we dated 10 years ago and have a pretty solid friendship with no ulterior motives or intentions. We are genuinely good friends.
But #2 and #3 are different stories. #2 is a guy I dated from the ages of 20-22. A good long while ago, or least it seems. He lives in L.A. now with his wife (whom he met right after me) and their baby. He added me on Facebook a few months ago and I didn't see any harm in it. I guess you could call us "friends," even thought I hadn't seen or talked to him in years, but there is/was never any ill-will there. So, the day after Valentine's Day, my Facebook account got hacked and some virus-laced comment got posted on ALL my friend's pages saying that I sent them a Valentine's Day card and to click said link to get the card. Well, of course ex #2 got this and sent me a nasty message about how his wife saw that and not to write stuff like that on his wall, but still wanted to know where that link was like I had really sent him a card. I was stunned that he could actually think that after that many years, after I had broken up with HIM, after years of no communication, that he AND his wife could really believe that I was out to get him back or break up their marriage. He lives in another state for pete's sake, it's not like I'm going to get all TLC on him and "creep." Ha. I think not. So, this time I really did write on his wall explaining that I got hacked and that he needs to get over himself.
I was telling this story to a friend of mine who said "why don't you just delete him?" Yes, why don't I, I thought? That hadn't really even crossed my mind. But I got to thinking that if ex #2's wife was that sensitive and really had a problem with us being "friends," ex #2 should have deleted me a long time ago. Straight up, he should have done it. So I saved him the time and nixed him.
Then, the other day I got a friend request from my most recent ex. This is a guy who has never had a myspace or facebook until now. I know, he's like five years late. I told him that. Now, I have nothing against this most recent ex. He is a good guy, just one of those situations where you figure out you're just not a match, but still care about each other. We broke up last August and also now live in different states. But that doesn't mean I want his name splashed across my dashboard every day or to read all of his geeky updates five times a day, right? Kind of like, out of sight, out of mind. I don't need to be thinking about him every day, I've been doing just fine. On the other hand, I felt like I couldn't just ignore the request. Especially without an explanation. I approved his "friendship," and gave it a shot, but after a few days I decided I'd rather not have his facebook friendship. I don't mind a "what's new with you e-mail" every so often, but not an every day reminder of my mistakes. So I deleted him and sent him an e-mail letting him know why we couldn't be FB friends. I got a simple reply from him that said "OK." That was it. Not even an "I understand. Don't worry about it."
Was he mad?
Anyway, I'm finding it's best to not be social networking friends with exes. What is your experience?
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So many stipulations to this. I seem to be good at maintaining friendships with ex's and to be honest, find some sort of sweet revenge when I post good pics of me with other guys.
ReplyDeleteThen there's my friend who needs to delete anyone she's ever made out with cause she sends angry drunk texts when a guy doesn't respond to her and then she ends up having the guy's number blocked from her phone so she can't be tempted or even able to drunk dial him.