After five or six funny e-mails back and forth, I decided to meet Craigslist guy (Casey) for a quick drink. I told him I like to keep the first encounter pretty short and sweet and he seemed to agree.
We met on a Wednesday at my neighborhood bar, which was convenient, but kind of stupid seeing how I could run into a gazillion people I know, and did. I got there early to get a drink down before he arrived. I was uncharacteristically nervous. I think it had to do with the Craigslist stigma. Like this just felt a little odd even though it really isn't much different than using match.com.
My date was on time, and the minute I saw him I knew there wouldn't be another date. I know that sounds shallow, but I just wasn't attracted to him. The photos in his ad were on the arty side, so I knew it could go up hill or down hill. It was down. Steep. He was tall like he said he was, but very thin. Too thin. At my first thought was are those track pants? OK, they weren't track pants, but they looked like track pants the way they hung on his slim frame. His features were small and delicate. There's no other way to put it. He reminded me of "creepy thin man" from the Charlie's Angels movie.
He sat down and I asked him if he wanted a drink and he said he doesn't drink! Or "rarely" drinks. Well, I rarely drink but I figured this was an occasion to have a cocktail. He ordered a Coca-Cola. LAME. I mean, why didn't he tell me this over e-mail? I would have met him for coffee or something else. I don't like when men don't drink because it implies that they have a problem with alcohol and I just find that to be a turn off. So he gets his Coke and I order my second Absolut Mandarin and soda. We shoot the breeze for about 45 minutes and he seems nervous. Like really nervous. Shaky nervous. Like tripping out nervous. Another huge turn off. He also told me that he doesn't own a t.v., which I find kind of pretentious and lame. I mean, what does he do when he's bored and wants to just chill and watch something mindless? Eventually I told him that I had to go get an errand done when I saw a girlfriend of mine at the other end of the bar. I asked for the check and he didn't even offer to pay. I paid for my drinks and told him his Coke was on me.
I pretended to walk out with him, saying goodbye as I snuck into the bathroom. When he was good and gone, I went back in and had a drink with my friend!
Of course, Casey thought we had a great time and I had an e-mail from him the next day asking me on a lunch date.
I don't think so buddy.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Confession: Craigslist
Have you ever perused the personal ads on Craigslist? If you're one of the minority who hasn't, I highly recommend it. Just for entertainment purposes alone. Sometimes, late at night, if there's nothing to watch on t.v., I'll browse the men seeking women. I love seeing titles like "R U Asian?" or "Seeking Mother/Son relationship." I'm not sure if I'm only doing it to make fun of them, or if a small part of me thinks I might actually see someone I'm interested in. I've never felt like I wanted to respond to anyone. However, I do personally know someone who met her fiance via Craigslist.
But last night I was perusing and saw an ad by someone I thought was seriously hilarious. And not hilarious in an I only want to make fun of you kind of way. Hilarious in a, you're my type of guy, way. Now, I am first and foremost looking for a funny man. Self-deprecating, witty humor is probably #1 on my list. I like a person who is outgoing, not afraid of a little humiliation, willing to take a risk. Those qualities honestly trump looks. Looks are important, but only take you so far. Women are much more likely to fall in love with someone based on personality and grow attracted to a man over time, whereas men don't usually have that quality. It's all about looks up front. Then they may or may not like your personality/humor and take action from there. I'm not sure if women are blessed by this ability or cursed.
Anyway, back to the ad. His pictures weren't bad. I mean, would I pick him out of a line up of hot guys? I'm not sure. But he was definitely not bad looking. I'm not really sure I even *want* to meet someone this way, but I decided to sleep on it.
I just hit the send button on my e-mail response to him. I've never met someone over CL and it seems kind of gross. Like, I always think they must be the type of person who's ALWAYS looking for something. Never satisfied with what they have.
But we will see. You can bet that I'll be blogging about whatever happens next...if anything...
But last night I was perusing and saw an ad by someone I thought was seriously hilarious. And not hilarious in an I only want to make fun of you kind of way. Hilarious in a, you're my type of guy, way. Now, I am first and foremost looking for a funny man. Self-deprecating, witty humor is probably #1 on my list. I like a person who is outgoing, not afraid of a little humiliation, willing to take a risk. Those qualities honestly trump looks. Looks are important, but only take you so far. Women are much more likely to fall in love with someone based on personality and grow attracted to a man over time, whereas men don't usually have that quality. It's all about looks up front. Then they may or may not like your personality/humor and take action from there. I'm not sure if women are blessed by this ability or cursed.
Anyway, back to the ad. His pictures weren't bad. I mean, would I pick him out of a line up of hot guys? I'm not sure. But he was definitely not bad looking. I'm not really sure I even *want* to meet someone this way, but I decided to sleep on it.
I just hit the send button on my e-mail response to him. I've never met someone over CL and it seems kind of gross. Like, I always think they must be the type of person who's ALWAYS looking for something. Never satisfied with what they have.
But we will see. You can bet that I'll be blogging about whatever happens next...if anything...
Monday, March 23, 2009
Are you Facebook "friends" with your ex?
Until recently I was "friends" via Facebook with three of my exes. The first one, we'll just call "#1" is still there. Given the fact that we dated 10 years ago and have a pretty solid friendship with no ulterior motives or intentions. We are genuinely good friends.
But #2 and #3 are different stories. #2 is a guy I dated from the ages of 20-22. A good long while ago, or least it seems. He lives in L.A. now with his wife (whom he met right after me) and their baby. He added me on Facebook a few months ago and I didn't see any harm in it. I guess you could call us "friends," even thought I hadn't seen or talked to him in years, but there is/was never any ill-will there. So, the day after Valentine's Day, my Facebook account got hacked and some virus-laced comment got posted on ALL my friend's pages saying that I sent them a Valentine's Day card and to click said link to get the card. Well, of course ex #2 got this and sent me a nasty message about how his wife saw that and not to write stuff like that on his wall, but still wanted to know where that link was like I had really sent him a card. I was stunned that he could actually think that after that many years, after I had broken up with HIM, after years of no communication, that he AND his wife could really believe that I was out to get him back or break up their marriage. He lives in another state for pete's sake, it's not like I'm going to get all TLC on him and "creep." Ha. I think not. So, this time I really did write on his wall explaining that I got hacked and that he needs to get over himself.
I was telling this story to a friend of mine who said "why don't you just delete him?" Yes, why don't I, I thought? That hadn't really even crossed my mind. But I got to thinking that if ex #2's wife was that sensitive and really had a problem with us being "friends," ex #2 should have deleted me a long time ago. Straight up, he should have done it. So I saved him the time and nixed him.
Then, the other day I got a friend request from my most recent ex. This is a guy who has never had a myspace or facebook until now. I know, he's like five years late. I told him that. Now, I have nothing against this most recent ex. He is a good guy, just one of those situations where you figure out you're just not a match, but still care about each other. We broke up last August and also now live in different states. But that doesn't mean I want his name splashed across my dashboard every day or to read all of his geeky updates five times a day, right? Kind of like, out of sight, out of mind. I don't need to be thinking about him every day, I've been doing just fine. On the other hand, I felt like I couldn't just ignore the request. Especially without an explanation. I approved his "friendship," and gave it a shot, but after a few days I decided I'd rather not have his facebook friendship. I don't mind a "what's new with you e-mail" every so often, but not an every day reminder of my mistakes. So I deleted him and sent him an e-mail letting him know why we couldn't be FB friends. I got a simple reply from him that said "OK." That was it. Not even an "I understand. Don't worry about it."
Was he mad?
Anyway, I'm finding it's best to not be social networking friends with exes. What is your experience?
But #2 and #3 are different stories. #2 is a guy I dated from the ages of 20-22. A good long while ago, or least it seems. He lives in L.A. now with his wife (whom he met right after me) and their baby. He added me on Facebook a few months ago and I didn't see any harm in it. I guess you could call us "friends," even thought I hadn't seen or talked to him in years, but there is/was never any ill-will there. So, the day after Valentine's Day, my Facebook account got hacked and some virus-laced comment got posted on ALL my friend's pages saying that I sent them a Valentine's Day card and to click said link to get the card. Well, of course ex #2 got this and sent me a nasty message about how his wife saw that and not to write stuff like that on his wall, but still wanted to know where that link was like I had really sent him a card. I was stunned that he could actually think that after that many years, after I had broken up with HIM, after years of no communication, that he AND his wife could really believe that I was out to get him back or break up their marriage. He lives in another state for pete's sake, it's not like I'm going to get all TLC on him and "creep." Ha. I think not. So, this time I really did write on his wall explaining that I got hacked and that he needs to get over himself.
I was telling this story to a friend of mine who said "why don't you just delete him?" Yes, why don't I, I thought? That hadn't really even crossed my mind. But I got to thinking that if ex #2's wife was that sensitive and really had a problem with us being "friends," ex #2 should have deleted me a long time ago. Straight up, he should have done it. So I saved him the time and nixed him.
Then, the other day I got a friend request from my most recent ex. This is a guy who has never had a myspace or facebook until now. I know, he's like five years late. I told him that. Now, I have nothing against this most recent ex. He is a good guy, just one of those situations where you figure out you're just not a match, but still care about each other. We broke up last August and also now live in different states. But that doesn't mean I want his name splashed across my dashboard every day or to read all of his geeky updates five times a day, right? Kind of like, out of sight, out of mind. I don't need to be thinking about him every day, I've been doing just fine. On the other hand, I felt like I couldn't just ignore the request. Especially without an explanation. I approved his "friendship," and gave it a shot, but after a few days I decided I'd rather not have his facebook friendship. I don't mind a "what's new with you e-mail" every so often, but not an every day reminder of my mistakes. So I deleted him and sent him an e-mail letting him know why we couldn't be FB friends. I got a simple reply from him that said "OK." That was it. Not even an "I understand. Don't worry about it."
Was he mad?
Anyway, I'm finding it's best to not be social networking friends with exes. What is your experience?
The Last of the Lumberjack
I had been dating the "Lumberjack" for about a month. Just to clarify, he is not really a lumberjack but just has that look. You know tall, huge hands, full beard, etc. In the NW, this is a pretty typical look to find. Most either love it or don't. I happen to really like it.
We met through the Internet, though not on a dating site. Far from it. We had met a few times in person and I thought he was pretty cute. He started following me on Twitter and sending me some flirtatious messages. He seemed like he was really interested yet he wasn't asking me out. Then one day when he knew I was working, he came down to the store [I was working in at the time] and spent a little over $100. After that I thought it was pretty obvious that he liked me and I bit the bullet and went ahead and asked him for a drink. Before I met him, I had been telling my friends how I want a man to pursue me, and I don't want to have to be the aggressor in a relationship and there I went and just blew it by asking the Lumberjack out.
We went for a late drink one night. It was pretty casual and I had fun, but kind of felt like if I wasn't the one to keep the conversation going, there would have been a lot of awkward silences. And you know, I just don't really have the energy for that. The Lumberjack insisted on paying for the drinks and hugged and went our separate ways.
I probably shouldn't have wanted to go out again, but for some reason I chalked it up to being a typical first date and thought maybe he'd be more relaxed the next time. He would flirt with me a lot via text and Twitter but not ask me out. So for the next few dates I had to be the one to actually do the asking. Totally annoying. But every time he seemed stoked and he ALWAYS paid for everything. Call me old school, but I kind of think if a man keeps insisting on paying, that that means he has some intention here. That he wants you to know this is a "date."
After the third date with no kiss, I was totally disappointed. Did he just have no balls?
I told myself I was not going to ask him out again. If he wanted to go out, he could get off the fucking couch and ask me for fuck's sake.
So a few days go by and he finally does. We go to a movie and then get a few drinks. Things were going so much better that night. The weight of the conversation wasn't all on my shoulders that night, for the first time. Around midnight I suggested that we get out of there and we go back to his place. I was not planning on sleeping with him. A makeout, some foreplay, sure, but sex? No. Plus, I was at the tail end of my period.
We started making out and the kisses were pretty good. But when one thing started leading to another, he all of a sudden got super aggressive. Weird, right? Weird for a guy who has been such a pansy thus far. I start thinking that he is a lot more drunk than I thought, and maybe I was too because my "rules" kind of went out the window. He took off my pants and started trying to finger me. Now, like I said, I was at the tail end of my period and I had tampon in, which I had told him. So whatever he was doing down there was extremely painful. I kept grabbing his hand and trying to move it, but it was like that just fueled the fire. So I had to flat out tell him to stop. I was in pain! I don't think he had any fucking clue what he was doing. I got up and took my tampon out. I know, TMI, but this is just what happened...I figured that was the reason everything hurt so much. I suggested he get a condom and we just have sex because this whole finger/hand thing was not going well. He got up and got one and when it came down to it, he just couldn't get his dick to stay hard. Yep, definitely DRUNK.
Ugh. That was like the worst sexual experience ever. And the next day it felt like I was pissing knives when I peed. I got totally man-handled and I was embarrassed! I decided I wouldn't be seeing anymore of the Lumberjack and canceled the plans we had made for that Sunday.
The next week I was on vacation for about a week. While I was gone I got some really sweet texts from the Lumberjack that made me reconsider. I thought to myself, well, I do kind of like him and maybe if we're not super drunk, the sex won't be such a traumatic experience. Well, somehow I convinced myself of that and decided to see him upon my return.
The next thing I know, I find myself in his bed again, but this time, everything started out perfectly fine. Normal. Gentle. One thing led to another and pants came off. We started doing it, missionary style, and he was pounding me like a fucking jack-rabbit. Like I wasn't even there. I mean, I was laying underneath him just thinking WHAT THE FUCK IS HE DOING? I mean, it was seriously like he was fucking a blow up doll or something. I try to stop him because he doesn't even have a condom on and I desperately want him to put one on. So I tell him to and he said to me "I will in a minute." OK, WHAT? NO! At this point in our "relationship" he hasn't even asked me if I'm on the pill or if I'm sexually healthy and he says he will in a minute? It REALLY turned me off that he didn't seem to have any concern for his own sexual health. So I made him stop and get a condom. But I mean, the sex was not going well. However, I'm a lucky/rare breed of woman who can quite easily have an orgasm from sex and thought if I could just get on top of him, I could turn this whole thing around. So I do. And it's going a little bit better. But all of a sudden, he starts pulling my hair. Like PULLING my hair. Like, I'm surprised he didn't pull it all out and it hurrrrrrt. I know that there are a lot of women out there that like this type of thing and that's fine and dandy, but I don't happen to be one of them. I like nice, sweet sex, where I'm adored and taken care of. So I grabbed his hand and said "hey, that's not my thing." He stopped. I mean, let's think about this. Is hair pulling something you do to a girl on the first or second sexual encounter? Not unless she specifically asks for it. At this point, you should be playing it safe, feeling it out, not assuming that every girl likes the same thing. At this point I'm thinking that either doesn't have much experience and his ex girlfriend(s) are fucking weird, or he watches too much porn.
When it was all said and done he said something to the effect of "that was the hottest thing that ever happened to me. Not what I'm used to."
I asked him what he was used to as what just happened (minus the hair pulling) was pretty fucking normal to me. He said it didn't matter and changed the subject.
I laid there for a bit thinking about how bad that all was and how I was going to get out of spending the entire night. There was just no sexual chemistry between us and I really wanted to just leave. He didn't want me to, but I finally convinced him that I had to get home and let my dog out.
I got home at 4:30 a.m. and already had a text from him about how I am "already missed." Yikes. In the morning when I was checking Twitter updates I saw that there was one he wrote after I left his bed saying something like "come back, sleep, we had a good thing going." Uh, we did? I couldn't believe he tweeted that. Was he sex crazy for me now?
I played it off like the next few days I was busy and he seemed to get the hint. Until yesterday when we wanted me to come watch a movie with him, via Twitter. I pretended I didn't get the message for a while and then just said no and let him know that I've been a little depressed (which is true) and that I kind of wanted to be left alone. Call me a douche, but I basically dumped him via social networking site!
Relationships 2.0, people! Easy breezy!
We met through the Internet, though not on a dating site. Far from it. We had met a few times in person and I thought he was pretty cute. He started following me on Twitter and sending me some flirtatious messages. He seemed like he was really interested yet he wasn't asking me out. Then one day when he knew I was working, he came down to the store [I was working in at the time] and spent a little over $100. After that I thought it was pretty obvious that he liked me and I bit the bullet and went ahead and asked him for a drink. Before I met him, I had been telling my friends how I want a man to pursue me, and I don't want to have to be the aggressor in a relationship and there I went and just blew it by asking the Lumberjack out.
We went for a late drink one night. It was pretty casual and I had fun, but kind of felt like if I wasn't the one to keep the conversation going, there would have been a lot of awkward silences. And you know, I just don't really have the energy for that. The Lumberjack insisted on paying for the drinks and hugged and went our separate ways.
I probably shouldn't have wanted to go out again, but for some reason I chalked it up to being a typical first date and thought maybe he'd be more relaxed the next time. He would flirt with me a lot via text and Twitter but not ask me out. So for the next few dates I had to be the one to actually do the asking. Totally annoying. But every time he seemed stoked and he ALWAYS paid for everything. Call me old school, but I kind of think if a man keeps insisting on paying, that that means he has some intention here. That he wants you to know this is a "date."
After the third date with no kiss, I was totally disappointed. Did he just have no balls?
I told myself I was not going to ask him out again. If he wanted to go out, he could get off the fucking couch and ask me for fuck's sake.
So a few days go by and he finally does. We go to a movie and then get a few drinks. Things were going so much better that night. The weight of the conversation wasn't all on my shoulders that night, for the first time. Around midnight I suggested that we get out of there and we go back to his place. I was not planning on sleeping with him. A makeout, some foreplay, sure, but sex? No. Plus, I was at the tail end of my period.
We started making out and the kisses were pretty good. But when one thing started leading to another, he all of a sudden got super aggressive. Weird, right? Weird for a guy who has been such a pansy thus far. I start thinking that he is a lot more drunk than I thought, and maybe I was too because my "rules" kind of went out the window. He took off my pants and started trying to finger me. Now, like I said, I was at the tail end of my period and I had tampon in, which I had told him. So whatever he was doing down there was extremely painful. I kept grabbing his hand and trying to move it, but it was like that just fueled the fire. So I had to flat out tell him to stop. I was in pain! I don't think he had any fucking clue what he was doing. I got up and took my tampon out. I know, TMI, but this is just what happened...I figured that was the reason everything hurt so much. I suggested he get a condom and we just have sex because this whole finger/hand thing was not going well. He got up and got one and when it came down to it, he just couldn't get his dick to stay hard. Yep, definitely DRUNK.
Ugh. That was like the worst sexual experience ever. And the next day it felt like I was pissing knives when I peed. I got totally man-handled and I was embarrassed! I decided I wouldn't be seeing anymore of the Lumberjack and canceled the plans we had made for that Sunday.
The next week I was on vacation for about a week. While I was gone I got some really sweet texts from the Lumberjack that made me reconsider. I thought to myself, well, I do kind of like him and maybe if we're not super drunk, the sex won't be such a traumatic experience. Well, somehow I convinced myself of that and decided to see him upon my return.
The next thing I know, I find myself in his bed again, but this time, everything started out perfectly fine. Normal. Gentle. One thing led to another and pants came off. We started doing it, missionary style, and he was pounding me like a fucking jack-rabbit. Like I wasn't even there. I mean, I was laying underneath him just thinking WHAT THE FUCK IS HE DOING? I mean, it was seriously like he was fucking a blow up doll or something. I try to stop him because he doesn't even have a condom on and I desperately want him to put one on. So I tell him to and he said to me "I will in a minute." OK, WHAT? NO! At this point in our "relationship" he hasn't even asked me if I'm on the pill or if I'm sexually healthy and he says he will in a minute? It REALLY turned me off that he didn't seem to have any concern for his own sexual health. So I made him stop and get a condom. But I mean, the sex was not going well. However, I'm a lucky/rare breed of woman who can quite easily have an orgasm from sex and thought if I could just get on top of him, I could turn this whole thing around. So I do. And it's going a little bit better. But all of a sudden, he starts pulling my hair. Like PULLING my hair. Like, I'm surprised he didn't pull it all out and it hurrrrrrt. I know that there are a lot of women out there that like this type of thing and that's fine and dandy, but I don't happen to be one of them. I like nice, sweet sex, where I'm adored and taken care of. So I grabbed his hand and said "hey, that's not my thing." He stopped. I mean, let's think about this. Is hair pulling something you do to a girl on the first or second sexual encounter? Not unless she specifically asks for it. At this point, you should be playing it safe, feeling it out, not assuming that every girl likes the same thing. At this point I'm thinking that either doesn't have much experience and his ex girlfriend(s) are fucking weird, or he watches too much porn.
When it was all said and done he said something to the effect of "that was the hottest thing that ever happened to me. Not what I'm used to."
I asked him what he was used to as what just happened (minus the hair pulling) was pretty fucking normal to me. He said it didn't matter and changed the subject.
I laid there for a bit thinking about how bad that all was and how I was going to get out of spending the entire night. There was just no sexual chemistry between us and I really wanted to just leave. He didn't want me to, but I finally convinced him that I had to get home and let my dog out.
I got home at 4:30 a.m. and already had a text from him about how I am "already missed." Yikes. In the morning when I was checking Twitter updates I saw that there was one he wrote after I left his bed saying something like "come back, sleep, we had a good thing going." Uh, we did? I couldn't believe he tweeted that. Was he sex crazy for me now?
I played it off like the next few days I was busy and he seemed to get the hint. Until yesterday when we wanted me to come watch a movie with him, via Twitter. I pretended I didn't get the message for a while and then just said no and let him know that I've been a little depressed (which is true) and that I kind of wanted to be left alone. Call me a douche, but I basically dumped him via social networking site!
Relationships 2.0, people! Easy breezy!
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